Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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