Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
where am i from again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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