he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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