Define "chronic" masturbator.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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