Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
