He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
