I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
