Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think your dad took our porno
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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