She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
