i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
