Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need moral support for this bender
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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