i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
