super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We talked him into tasing himself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
