dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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