Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
