My balls are so social today.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
