I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
