I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
