I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's always time for handjobs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
