STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My feet surprised me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
