Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
