he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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