and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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