oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
