Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.