I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words