There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic