She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.