Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.