You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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