He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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