areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
