would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He passed out mid-signature
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
