is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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