so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
