genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
