Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
