I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
