Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize