last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
