did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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