Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
