i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
