yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
