Your tits are I can't wait for
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
