I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
