I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
