my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
