The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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