I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
