I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
