I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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