I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
