yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
