the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
