hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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