Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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