Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
