She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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