he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
