a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
