so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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