But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
