pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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