Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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