I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
