Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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