Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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