It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
