How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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