you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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