matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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