i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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