ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
